Life on the Edge

2 Aug
standing on a cliff in Tulum

standing on a cliff in Tulum

For the past several years, I feel like been walking on the edge of a cliff, straddling possibilities for the future and bracing myself against what sometimes seems like an inevitable plunge into the abyss.  At times this feeling is thrilling, and the adrenaline of complete freedom from responsibilities courses through my veins as I hop on another plane to another faraway land for yet another adventure.  But more often then not, this feeling is terrifying.  Mostly, it hits me when I return home from one of my trips, and I realize that I am broke, unemployed, and homeless.

Through a little luck and a lot of tenacity, I usually end up managing to find a way to support myself in the US for a few months and save up enough for another plane ticket in the process.  But by existing on the fringes of the “real” world I have sacrificed a great deal.  Unlike most of my peers, my resume doesn’t have continuity, my credit score is probably horrendous, and the idea of signing a year-long lease terrifies me.  This summer I’ve been subletting a room in a house with a big garden in the front yard, and as I’ve watered the plants and watch them grow, I’ve tried to become more at peace with the idea of putting down roots myself.  I like watching my tomato plants turn from green to red and I like picking fresh basil to whip up some pesto for dinner, so maybe I can learn to enjoy working in an office from 9-5 Monday through Friday.

But traveling, like all addictions, is a tough habit to break, and I can’t deny that I don’t spend most of my days dreaming of past and future adventures and plotting my next great escape.  I have been toying with the idea of moving to Istanbul or Buenos Aires, but for now I am sending out resumes for office jobs and imagining all the possible directions my life could take me as I peer out at the horizon.  Will I get the courage to take the plunge and finally leap off the cliff and into some semblance of a normal, stable life?

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2 Responses to “Life on the Edge”

  1. Raven August 5, 2010 at 9:12 pm #

    You should keep traveling and experiencing and writing because that is who you are laura burns… a free bird meant to fly not a fish meant to plunge.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. From the Big Philth to the District « Constant Nomad - October 5, 2011

    […] the new direction my life has taken.  In my old blog, I talked about how I felt like I was living life on the edge of a cliff, never committing to any particular job, career, or home base.  Now I feel like I’ve finally […]

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